I fear that being in a relationship for almost a year has brought too much comfort and complacency to my partner.
He seems less inclined to please me, to take his time exploring my body and enjoying it along the way. He’s no longer interested in peeling of my dress slowly and admiring my skin, touching it, kissing, feeling. Like when we weren’t familiars. Now he’s just in a rush to fuck.
He’s so quick to get to the fucking… that is after I’ve sucked him. Sucked his dick before he fucks me, sucked his dick between the fucking when it’s getting a little soft, and suck his dick while he’s exploding.
What the actual fuck? This is not my ideal fuck but I’ve let it slip so many times that this became our normal. Him getting his dick wet in my mouth and in my pussy.
Me barely getting a few licks when I ask him to eat me. Me feeling his spit running down my ass because instead of actually eating my pussy, he’s slobbering all over it to get it wet quicker so he can get to fucking me sooner.
No, no, no, no, no. He can’t even make it wet altruistically.
I thought by giving him spontaneous road head, sucking him off for what feels like 10 minutes to my jaw, going back to give more when he asks, I thought by doing all that it would inspire him to be just as giving in return. I like pleasing him, but I mainly give head to get head. I give the long, strong, good head because I want the long, strong, good pussy eating.
Homeboy has not been equally reciprocating. He’s not mirroring my generosity. He’s not eating my ass and pussy like I know he knows I like it. And the thing that pisses me off is he says he “loves” doing it. It sure as hell doesn’t seem like it. I get that sometimes you’re so excited about being together, but it just feels like I’m always getting the shorter end of the stick.
I wonder if I didn’t bring out my toy and insist he finger me, fuck me with a dildo, or kiss me while I buzz my clit to get off, would he even care?
At this point I feel like he doesn’t even notice if I get off. It seems to be that his pleasure is centered. His experience. His cock.
When we talk about being with other people, he always says he wants to see me with someone else’s cock in mouth. Or somebody comes over and we start fucking. Or I’m eating some girl’s pussy. He never suggest other people pleasuring me unless it’s with their dick in my mouth or pussy.
Of course, I usually amend the fantasies and say things like “but first he eats my ass” or “no way, he’s getting down to eat my pussy” or “she and I take turns, I don’t just please her.”
Now that I have time to think about it, I see how widespread his image to sex is. It’s always with the woman as the server. The one giving pleasure not the one necessarily centered and receiving it. It feels exhausting to attempt to reframe how a grown man sees sex. I don’t know that I have the patience to do this. It’s like being with a virgin again, but worse because this person already has established sexual patterns that are utterly selfish and man-focused. How do I help him to unlearn this way of thinking and being?
I’m so frustrated with the lack of satisfaction in the bedroom right now. I almost feel like it would be easier to find someone who already centers women’s pleasure. Someone like one of my exes who just wants me on the bed with my back arched so he can eat my ass for 20 minutes before even unwrapping his cock.
Can I get my selfish lover to be more giving or should I just throw in the towel and look for someone who’s more eager to please?
The give and take of passion is not something I’ve had to police this heavily before.